- You can’t always see existing problems. My retina was in very bad shape. But I had no symptoms, no warning signs. Sometimes life is like that. Things are hidden, under the surface. We don’t see the signs. We are obliviously ignorant. But then something happens, and the big ugly thing pops its head up and changes our life. It’s begging to be dealt with. And when it finally surfaces, we’re forced to face it.
- Listen to those who have medical training. I am so thankful for the doctors, nurses, surgeons, and others who diagnosed me, gave me advice, prescribed care, and assisted with my surgery and beyond. All we have to do is go less than 100 years back to realize what doctors are doing for us today that wasn’t even a thought in the past. I’m not sure why so many don’t seem to trust the medical professionals today, but I have found in my experience that most of them care a great deal and want to do what they can to help.
- The surgery itself is easy, it’s the recovery that is the difficult part. During surgery, I was relaxed and felt great. Nerve blocks and anesthetics blocked out the trauma going on and I sailed through with ease. But the days to come were full of the inconveniences of keeping my head down, eye drops 5 times per day, pain and achiness, and restlessness since I wasn’t allowed to get up and participate in my normal activities. In life, many times we block out the trauma, but the results creep up on us for years to come. It’s then that we have to do the hard work of resting, self-care, facing what’s happened, and doing what we need to do in order to heal.
- A little blindness can skew one’s perspective. When we have a blind spot, we can’t always see things for what they really are. After surgery, I am blind in one eye. Thankfully, that vision will return, but it’s odd only seeing out of one eye for the present moment. And it throws my depth perception off. I go to grab something, and it’s not quite where I thought it would be. Life is like this also. When we have a blind spot, it can throw off our whole perspective. Maybe we’re blind to someone’s suffering, and so our perspective does not help us to act out of compassion. Maybe we’re blind to cultural differences, and so we judge a different culture from afar, instead of getting to know the people in it. Let’s work at getting rid of our blind spots.
- Sometimes you have to hide from the light. The light can hurt and irritate. It can be too much. It’s okay to retreat into our shadows at times. So often we want to put on the façade that all is okay, all is happy, all is well. But that is not life. And it is okay. Face the shadow side of life. Rest in the darkness.
- Love shows up in so many little ways. When we’re at our worst, it’s the small acts of kindness that mean so much. I’ve seen this in my husband, who’s picked up my slack around the house, and in my daughter, who drove me back and forth to doctor appointments, and in my church friends, who brought meals, and in so many other friends and family, who prayed and just reached out to see how I was doing. It all shows care. It all gives meaning. This is what life is about. This is what brings us together.
- This one is not really a lesson, just a rant: our health insurance system stinks. It’s way too expensive. I am so an advocate for universal healthcare. The cost of surgeries and hospitals is outrageous. I have had to travel an hour to my medical appointments because doctors in my town wouldn’t take my insurance. There has to be a better way.
- It’s okay to let go of responsibilities to rest and recuperate. Too often we think life is just about responsibilities. It’s hard for me to let go of the ethic that life is only about being productive and useful. What is life worth if I can’t see the results of labor? But rest has much to teach me. Life has much to teach me about quietness and letting go. There is meaning in the pauses.
- It’s better to close one eye than to strain to see out of an eye that is not functioning. My better eye can see with greater quality when my bad eye lets it. If my bad eye strains to get in on the action, the result is more blurriness and less clarity. We need to let others help us. I want to be the strong one. But sometimes I just need to let go. Close my eye. Let another do the work. Be patient with the healing process, be willing to be on the receiving end. It’s okay to shut down for now and let others help.
- God is with us in our suffering. So many pray to take it away. So many pray for healing. And some of us do heal. But what of the ones who don’t? Instead of praying for healing, I want to pray “to be grounded in the absolute love of God that protects us from nothing even as it sustains us in all things, for then we can face all things with courage and tenderness and touch the hurting places in others and in ourselves with love.” (quote from James Finley) I love that quote and could ponder on it for eons. Does God heal? I don’t know. But what I do know is the love of God that is with us in all things. And her Spirit teaches me how to be a loving presence for myself and for others who are going through difficult things.
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